Time for balance

May thanks to Andrew for leaving a comment and question on a previous post here – I thought I should expand on the answer I gave.

For those of us seeking balance in some form, there are many areas to think about. What are our passions in life, what things tend to push us out of balance or bring us back into balance? By saying yes, what are we saying no to and so on?

Balance itself often has a time element – we know we are falling out of balance when we get overwhelmed, not enough time in the day, endless to do lists etc. However balance is also something that takes place over time – do you need to feel balanced every day? Some people do which is why they need to take time to decompress every day. If they don’t, it becomes stressful.

Others have a far longer time horizon – mine is around a month. This means I can chose to stay out of balance for a few days or even a week or two as long as I know, and plan for doing balancing things in the time that follows. For me, this is usually exercise and I try to plug it in at least once a week, even when work etc. is taking up most of my time. If I go a couple of weeks without finding this time I get stressed, less nice to be around and actually less effective at work.

As I think about it, my balance horizon is more like a week – I need to get the balancing things in at least once in 7 days. That’s what I mean about work in progress – it needs to be continually looked at to be effective. So, what things do you like to do to de-stress and keep yourself in balance? How often do you need to do them, and how long can you afford to miss that activity before it stresses you?

Saying No

“Just say No” has become a cliche. It is certainly true that we can get ourselves into balance issues by taking on too much, but just saying no (like many things in life) is easier said than done; at least it is for me!

So what is the difficulty here and why would we even think it necessary to say “no” more often? Speaking personally, I don’t like to be seen as negative or unhelpful. Probably none of us do, so we are naturally inclined to take things on when we are asked to. Here are some other things that I have observed – see if any of these have any resonance:

• We genuinely think that we have the time to do something so we take it on. It then becomes more onerous than we expected
• We fear that saying No will mean we are not asked again so we lose influence/seniority etc.
• We see others doing many things and don’t want to be see as slacking
• Most importantly though we want to help out, want to contribute and this leads us to take on more than we can handle

The result of this can be poor time management, overcommitment and under-delivery, stress and sub optimal performance and lack of balance.

It’s easy to recite the mantra “just say no” but for all the reasons mentioned above that can be hard. By subtly changing this though, we can perhaps make things easier. Try asking your self:

“By saying Yes to this, what am I saying “no” to?”

In other words I can chose to do something but I accept that time is a finite resource, as is my energy, commitment and drive to do something. If I accept a new challenge, I need to also accept what I need to give up/change/scale back to allow me to do it. This can be personal (give up some leisure activity perhaps) or work related (I can take on that project but will need to release this other responsibility to do that).

This makes it a choice and also forces us to think seriously about how much time and resource something will take up BEFORE we agree to do it. It has more meaning to us since we are looking at it in the light of giving up something else, something we may enjoy.

Try it next time you are asked to do something or feel a volunteer moment coming up!

Are you a complainer?

Push through your goals

I am all for goal setting. I think it is key to greater personal effectiveness. However I have been thinking about goals recently in the light of a couple of personal instances, and also from my favorite source of coaching analogies – sport.

In golf, does anyone remember Ian Baker-Finch? He is an Australian golfer who won the British Open in 1991. I don’t know him nor have I spoken with him but I think I recall reading that winning that tournament was his lifelong goal. He was focused on that and was successful. After that his game went into a steep decline and he was never the same. Golf seems to do this to people and there are other examples of one time winners disappearing from the scene (David Duval et al).

I admire anyone who wins such an accolade in sport – it is something most of us will never accomplish in our lifetime so there is no implied criticism here at all. The true greats of sport seem to have goals that go beyond winning this or that and whenever they do achieve success, they are driven to the next milestone on their way to greatness. They push past one goal to the next.

I have found this in business too. Getting a big order, meeting sales targets etc. This is not the time to relax and decide all is well. I need to recognize the success for sure, but then I need push onto the next goal. The best way I have found to do so is visualize what success will feel like and then, in that mindset, set the next goal. Therefore I am thinking at least one step ahead all the time and I can always see the next milestone ahead.

This is tough for me and I need to work through it. I have found it powerful to think along the lines of : “OK, now I have the success I wanted in this area, what now?” It can also be useful to imagine a scenario that takes the doubt out of the equation. For example: “If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?” or “If you won the lottery and money wasn’t a concern, what would you do then?”